NO MORE SURPRISES !

I become the bad one here. This has not happened once, but twice now. First it was a friend, and now my own family! If I am organizing a surprise for someone, just to make the person feel good, then I am too kiddish, i am immature! And if the surprise leaks out, let alone getting angry, i cnt even ask who said it out or how it came out. If I ask I get scolded back like I am committing some crime and I am stupid n childish and extra sensitive and all that...I mean I cant even ask!

I am jus tired of getting to hear accuses...about how I am. To hell with trying to make people feel good. No one realises the worth of it...why am I a fool to keep thinking of how to make someone smile then? Be it family or others now...

I wont do it then...if this is such a 'childish' trait of mine, then today I leave it behind me...just...no more surprises...for anyone...

some wounds are just so deep, they keep getting moist very easily. The last time my friend had actually tagged me as unnecessarily causing tension just because i was upset that a surprise got leaked out...when i was told not to organise surprises if it means getting all upset if it doesnt work out. I mean I am not even doing anything for myself. Its for someone else, and when I am putting my 100 percent to it, just to see the look of excitement on the other person, if somehow the thing gets out, I cant even get upset? Then Im told, there is no need for this! What the hell people, a reaction about something which you are so involved in, can I not even get the license to do that without being accused and tagged?

I thought I had forgotten it. But today when something similar was said to me, my frustration increased manifold because of this past wound. Thats what multiplied my agony. Horrible...I mean...I don't know what to say...after all if I say something, then I become a 'baby'...