I'll be the change I want to see in people

BBMIMES...

Want to figure out what that is? I would leave to you, my dear readers :) Interpret it your way and let me know what you think it could mean. If you can't, dont worry about it. I hope to reveal it someday...

I feel different today, different than what I have been feeling since years about certain aspects of life. I want to be the white screen, devoid of all the other things life has taught me. I just want to be me, with a smile :)

Love me for who I am, hate me for who I am, curse me for who I am, praise me for who I am. Ultimately the bottomline is, I am me...and that is the biggest truth of existance. It holds for everybody. So lets take our masks off, lets take our pretence off and look at each other. What do we see? We see a white screen, a baby, a child, that just needs love, and nothing else.

The rest doesn't matter...

To begin with, I will apply this change towards my labmate, whom I had mentioned in my previous post...and I am sure I will someday see the reflection of my pursuit...

Burning down the lab, spilling acid over myself, and getting mad at a labmate!!

Could have been the worst day of my lab. I might have just been in the hospital for severe burns today, but I got lucky. Not once but twice! While doing the TFA cleavage in the chemical hood, as I was adding air into the cap for it to be completely drained, pop!!!! The whole cap just burst spilling TFA filled resin all over the hood! I thanked my starts for having been careful and pulling the hood panel down just before doing this. I remember doing this stuff before and not closing the panel properly. PHEW!!! TFA burns...I wouldn't have enjoyed that one!

A couple of hours later, I was melting a glass rod in the biological hood this time using a bunsen burner. Thats easy, its hardly anything! Just hold the tip of the rod to the fire n enjoy seeing it transform. All of a sudden, the fire is huge and it catches the rubber pipe on top of it! The hood is on fire! I screamed for help and amidst the panic it didn't even strike me to switch off the gas outlet! 2 guys came running and by then I had gathered my neurons together to be able to switch the gas off. The lab would have been on fire!! It could have just caught me or my clothes instead of the tube! PHEW AGAIN!!!! We changed the tubing, and made sure there wasnt any leakage. Thanks to the guys around we didn't burn... but my heartbeat is still triplle!

There's a person in my lab, who is one of the most rude and insolent people I have met so far in this city. She was so horrible today! And yes, I did give it back to her in my way today. I have been taking it for quite some time, but today was a limit! Just cuz shes been here a year before us doesnt give her the right to behave this way with us. And shes not our PI! The way she speaks to us ordering us around and all! We are grad students...not some kindergarten kids or fools who don't understand anything.

What a day it has been. And its still not over...I need to get home late tonight..I wonder what else in in store for me today...

When an inner self dies...

Sometimes life takes a turn of events in such a way that you have no control over them. Sometimes you try to control the way the events turn in your life. There is a constant fight between the practical and the way of the heart. I want to forget and just move on. There is so much that I need to do, but its as if some part of my body, from deep inside has got all its cells black and clumped together, somewhere around the chest region. Im trying to breathe hard to lighten them, to release them from being stuck to each other this way. But I don't know if these cells are dead or dying. If they are already dead, will I be able to restore them? Or will they be replaced ever? I hope they haven't given up yet...and are just waiting for the optimum splurge of life that would swell them up again with vigour, excitement, hope and beauty!