I really like this phrase. Its so descriptive. The beauty of the phrase lies in the double-meaning it holds. Perhaps the 2nd meaning would be understood only by women.
When you are frustrated with something so bad, there is something that's always itching, something always provoking you to do something. You have to control it. The more you control it, the more it itches. And then as it all accumulates, it finally comes out in one blow, when you think you have reached the 'screaming-inside' phase. The outcome of it is different for different people of course, some shout it out, some go into their shell and so on. That was the first meaning.
The second explanation of this phrase is more literal than figurative. A sensation which truly makes you feel that there is something inside you that is screaming - every cell in the body longing for more oxygen, every muscle in your body throbbing and pushing against your skin. It makes you experience the true meaning of 'wear and tear'. Imagine that a part of your body is rotting, one by one everything starts shedding - cells, tissues, and the multitude of other components comprising your body. Would you just sit and watch it happen? No, you would put some ointment, bandage it, prevent it, make sure you don't stress it, and let it heal. Now imagine the same thing inside out. That every cell and tissue is tearing off from inside your body. The pain is so much that it percolates from being localized to being global. Your whole body is just 'tearing apart' from the inside, and neither can you touch it, nor can you bandage it. You can just sit and bear it. This is what could more accurately be understood by the above phrase. You literally feel the scream from within, and cannot do anything about it. Well of course there are ways to subdue the 'massive internal erosion', but I personally consider them unnatural and disturbing to the ways to nature. Sometimes you just feel like hitting yourself, you try to help by externally applying pressure to soothe the inside, but its all temporary. All you can think of is a pair of hands that could just squeeze you all over to relieve you off the pain for a whole day. But then again, that's impractical, over-expecting, and all the other adjectives that collectively mean - can't be done. While sitting in a group meeting today, all I could think of was stretching out somewhere, tighten every muscle so that I cannot feel the screaming. But work doesn't stop. Its a part of life...the show has to go on...
Sigh...even as I write this, my insides are screaming and trying to bombard my mind with disillusioned states of fury, pain, discomfort and all the related. But I know, neither this post, nor anything else will make this day pass by faster. Its just something we have to live with, and try to look at the brighter side of it - the strength we gain by bearing this time and again...
2 comments:
The only answer to this is defined in your post itself...its the world that forces u to become something that u dont wanna be...and the irony is that happiness is sought in being quiet n submissive...if one revolts, one is considered to be a rebel..thats the situation of women even in the so-called modern world..beautifully written n very true...
I look at it as a "what you should" versus "what you really want to" situation...You fight with your "screaming insides" for as long as you can, but sooner or later, you have to surrender to it(literally and figuratively). And the intensity of the outcome depends on the time that was invested in subduing it, right? The title is so apt!
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