Friday, May 29, 2009
I left the place I stayed in for the past 4 years. It was odd saying goodbye to my friends at the airport...i was crying, i just couldnt stop. It was like leaving behind a huge part of me. I was gifted a collage made by my dearest friends in the form of a tshirt, a frame and a mug. I was thrilled! My very own collage, for the first time ever! It has sooo many pics in it..I really was super thrilled...and then they asked me to wear the tshirt. thats what i wore and travelled. I was crying in the flight too. So much happened in these past 4 years, I have really grown up in every way. I was reflecting back on all the things that have happened, the amount I have gone through and at the end of it I can really proudly say that I have come out strong. Today I am a much better person than I was 4 years back...
The last few days there were super hectic, but they were nice. I spent quality time with the dearest of friends, packing, going to places I loved, making videos, parting gifts, getting surprise farewell parties and taking them out for dinner. I am sad about coming back, but then there were things to look forward to...
Like? Visa getting done, going to meet my grandparents, learning how to drive. Now I am here at home, but my family is away and will be back only after a week. I have my friends with me, but everyone has a life of their own, and more so a car of their own! This is what has hit me the most...the immobility. As it is I cant walk much, and on top of that I dont have a way to commute. Public transport is horrible, especially with an injured foot. I travelled in a bus today, just to avoid the autorickshaw cuz of my past accident, but it was bad. The crowd as well as the safety issue. The driver almost started the bus while I was getting down. I jumped down on my feet. Man, it was painful :(
Then the hassles started. I had to spend a whole day at the Customs office at the airport today, clearing 2 boxes I had sent through DHL. They were just old clothes and books, not even dutiable, and the DHL guys had told me that it would be delivered at my doorstep. Nothing of that sort happened. I saw the bureaucracy and corruption live today, something that till date I had just heard my dad talking about or seen on the TV. I had thought I am going to come back and pen down the proceedings of the whole experience, but somehow I dont feel like, cuz its just me who is seeing it for the first time. I bet there are millions who have to face this everyday. I'll be over-rating it if I write I guess...
Had an extremely tiring day, and came back home to realize that my visa forms have been deleted online as 7 days have passed and I havent confirmed an appointment date yet. I mean is it my mistake if the dates aren't available? Why do they have to delete the forms??!!!! They can stay on the web right. And the consulate has not been releasing dates since forever now! I am really frustrated about this.
As much as I used to miss the chaos and the disorganized state of affairs when I wasnt here, now when I am back, I think I have come out of the habit of dealing with these things. Life is weird, I am back in the place I have grown up in, and somehow this place seems alien to me now. I feel I dont belong here. My friends here talk about things I am not aware of anymore. Everyone seems grown up, talking about jobs, marriage, and what not. For me, who left this place 4 years back and has come back to it now after finishing four years, its a drastic change. I feel a little lost. I am trying to keep myself busy, do things, look forward to what lies ahead, but...its a strange feeling to feel alienated at home...hehe even at the shopping centre, they dont give plastic bags anymore! Im supposed to carry my own bag...I didnt know that until I bought the stuff, and then you can imagine what must have happened! Well apart from that I must say I did enjoy the reminiscent and nostalgic walk back from the shopping complex to home. Ive grown up there, literally, in every part of that road...
But on the whole, its more like being neither here nor there now. I am really looking forward to my next destination. I somehow dont fit in here anymore...:(
I know the title of my post suggests otherwise, but in spite of trying to be optimistic and happy, some part of me is left behind somewhere in the middle of this place and that place. I hope I am able to pull myself together soon...
I think, I miss my family...
As of now, Chocos is with me to comfort me. I hope tomorrow is a new day with better things happening...
Love you bloggie...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
1. The most common one is the 'push-up'. A twitch or itch, and the whole hand goes and pushes the nose up with full force, making it look like a pig's snout. I mean why does it have to be pushed up like that, it can just be slightly scratched, pulled at gently, or the horizontal finger movement putting your forefinger on the septum also suffices. It need not be pushed up to 180 degrees, making the person look ugly and at the same time creating a 'line of bend' in the middle of the nose surface.
2. Of course there is picking of the nose! This is not only ugly, but dirty too. Yes we all have phlegm. And it needs to be thrown out of the system, very well acknowledged. But it need not be done publicly using your finger nails to scratch out the 'substance', and then wipe your finger under the table. Cleaning your olfactory asset is a must for everyone, but the art of 'nose-picking' need not be so graphically displayed !
3. Then comes the flaring up of nostrils. This is my favourite part. Hehe, or rather least favourite part. I can go on and on writing about this. Everyone has different kinds of nostrils, long, short, huge, tiny, pointed, round and what not. Its very strange how these shapes hit the eye only when they are flared up. I would say the tiny round ones are the most fortunate, as the shape doesn't change for them even when they are flared up, but the most unfortunate ones are the pointed ones. One they are flared, they suddenly enlarge from the sides, and become more pointed than ever. Something like a 'lying down' isosceles triangle with the 2 arms being the upper and lower edges of the nostril and the base forming the third edge, vertically, but curved. Now when the nostril gets flared up, the point connecting the curved base and the upper-edge arm gets very fiercely pointed, and the curvy part gets bigger and rounder. Something like this.
And to top it up, somehow people who have this very prominent nostril-flare, also invariably end up flaring it most of the time! It becomes a part of their expressions, conversations, everything. Giving just a look to someone will not just be through the eye, eyebrow or lips (which are the usual pre-requisites for giving looks), but also through a flared nostril ! I used to wonder whether actually it is everyone who does it and its just very prominent for people with pointed nostrils but no, the ones with these pointed ones tend to exhibit them much more. Why that happens I really don't know. There are people who just cant have a normal conversation without flaring their nostrils. I mean usually nostrils are flared when one is breathing heavily, yawning or is angry. Yes there are exceptions to all categories here, but Im mentioning the most frequently occuring observation. Ok shape of a nostril and even the nose for that matter is something we can't do anything about. Some are really lucky, have beautiful noses and nostrils, some have one good, the other not-so-good, but some are the other extreme - huge prominent nose with prominent nostrils. We all have to live with it. But the flaring bit is voluntary right? If one wants to make their nostrils noticed, then its another thing, but being aware of how you look if you have prominent nostrils and when you flare them up all the time, is important for the sake of the visual comfort of people around. Trust me, half of the time the attention gets diverted from what you are saying to how you are distorting your prominent asset!
4. What else, their are noses with nose-hair sticking out. Hehe, everyone has nose-hair, but if you have even a slightly pointed up nose or nostril, it sticks out, making it look like a mucosal display! I know, one can't do much about this, but Im sure it can be trimmed slightly if its too prominent.
5. And yes, some people just love to fiddle with their noses all the time. Touch it, squeeze it, pinch it, push a nostril with a finger making it look like an 'almost-nose-pick' and what not! Oh come on, give the poor thing a rest, after all it helps you do the thing you need to sustain - breathe, give it some respect for that!
I think this is one of the observations that has always had an effect on me ever since I was a child. I used to hate it when some people closely related to me used to push up their nose when they had a cold or flare up their nostrils. Hehe, I have learnt over the years that its just something very natural, something which you can't care about all the time. I myself do some of the things mentioned above (except the nose-picking bit!), and I know one can't really be all sophisticated all the time. But mind you, I still stand by the fact that it is one of the amusing and sometimes unpleasant visual distractions one sees in people.
I used to feel that its only me who notices and gets affected by these observations, but of late, I realized that its not just me, when someone actually came and displayed their irritation on the way the other person's imposing personality was enhanced by a particularly prominent constant nose-flaring. There are other oddities of the facial expressions too, like hanging your lower lip exposing your gums, frothing your mouth while speaking too much because of not gulping your saliva etc., but the nose, and the nostrils are just the best! I don't think anything else catches as much attention as these 2 brothers do.
I do not claim to be an epitome of sophistication at all, but penning down this observation which has been there in me since I was a child was quite amusing and fun I must say. No offense meant to anyone whatsoever :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
I love you Bloggie :)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Im sick of certain things in my life...I just want to make some ammendments. And I will, very soon. Just need to gather certain belongings first...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Its been almost two years now that I haven't met him. I am out of that lab now and so is he. After all that he made me go through for two years, I decided to remember just the good part of it wherein he had taught me the correct way of using pipettes, something which I can call a skill I possess now. Very recently, I learnt that another co-member of that lab (who is also out of the lab now), became a father. It was great news. I always had a good equation with him, not to mention he was also one of the major contributors for my most recent accomplishment, my PhD admission. I was genuinely happy for him. Surprisingly, this guy had a good relation with the mean guy. I think it was the age factor, he was older than the meano, and hence received some respect from him, something that a 'minor' like me is not entitled to !!
Today, I just saw him online, I mean the meano. And the most annoying altruistically bent attitude that I have in these regards, I 'pinged' him on gmail chat. I said, "Hi ***, how are you doing?" Surprisingly he replied, "I am doing fine". I said, "I thought I should let you know that (nice guy) had a baby child recently". He said, "Oh, great news". Wow, I thought, for a change he is being responsive, being good, being normal! Maybe he has changed, maybe going away to a different country brought him down, maybe he has become a more polite person, maybe he now considers me old or rather qualified enough to give me some respect. I thought, ok let me initiate a conversation, maybe he isn't such a bad person after all, maybe I can change my opinion about him. I said, "how is your wife (his mean monopolizing girlfriend who I knew too)?".... no answer.... hmm, I thought, was I too fast in thinking he has changed? Then I quickly corrected myself - its just chat! he might be busy with something or may not be on his desk! So I thought, let me say something else. I said, "I am joining you guys soon". Immediate reply - "where??". Oh so he wasn't busy or anything. He really did not reply deliberately. I was beginning to regret having messaged him, but I couldn't just leave the conversation there. Well, now to think of it, I could have, and rather, should have. But its me again, I ALWAYS create such situations for myself. I said, " I am coming to the Univ of *****, in the **** program", and like a fool, I expected him to say, "congrats", or even "great", or even a mere "oh all the best" that would have sufficed. After all he was my lab senior for 2 years, this would have meant at least one little teeny weeny bit to him. And then, after what seemed like ages, he wrote, "good for you"...
Wow, that's a really nice way of wishing someone for anything. I even tried to think if it was just a way of wishing someone in some dialect or slang or whatever, but I know him! He does not use such phrases. I have seen him be really polite to people, people who he probably feels 'worthy' of giving respect. I felt like hitting my head. What a fool I was to get myself to feel this way from a totally worthless person. I hate him, really, maybe the only person ever that I really hate. And inspite of that, I wrote, ":) anyway, give my greetings to **** (your wife who deserves you)"...and...no reply...
Seriously, some people never change...and I guess that includes me too. I don't know if I have still learnt my lesson. For all I know, I will try to find ways to put this grudge also behind me. Yeah I know that its supposed to be a good thing, but there is definitely NOTHING I feel good about what I did...the way I invited this for myself...
Monday, May 4, 2009
BEING IN TWENTIES – SOMETHING…
Thought this couldn't be more appropriate for us...
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly thegreatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion
for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis….
They call it Quarter-life Crisis. I call it the Sine-Curve Insanity....
Hehe ok enough of the exxageration. Macho Girl tagged me for two posts, and here I attempt to to justice to her :P
1)Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?
I just started blogging a while back, so look-wise, I'd say Im still at it. Its nice now, but it can be made more interesting m sure of that! Content wise, oh yes! Like I've mentioned, its my mind in its birthday suit. This is the only place I can truly be myself, and I love it :)
2) Does your family know about your blog?
Not yet. I know for one thing I would be filtering many things if they read it. Not because I want to hide something from them, but just that some aspects of mine I'd rather keep to myself. They'll certainly know sometime :) And I plan on initiating my kid sister to it soon!
3) Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
Not embarassed, but some of my friends just can't help passing comments uncalled for. My blog is not to publicly announce my opinions and perspectives or convey any message to anyone. It is just a mirror where in I can look at myself and express my feelings. It certainly is a private thing, and hence is anonymous :)
4) Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
Too early to say that. Like I said, Ive just started. So far so good, Im enjoying it.
5) Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I usually just look at people who are in my blog list, but at times I have just skimmed through some others. Don't do that much though.
6) Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
As of now, I know all of them.
7) Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
Oh certainly!! For one thing, its a place where one can be yourself, not to mention you come to know many people who think alike or think differently, and get acquainted with different interesting styles of writing. Like I've mentioned, references for competiton and inspiration ;)
8) Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
I think bloggers pretty much reflect the real world. There are many things unspoken in life. Putting them into words and sentences defines our very existance. Without writers, authors, books and in present day world bloggers, there wouldn't be any definition of anything.
9) Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
I am open to crtiticism. About the way I write, my usage of language and my way of expression. But not to the content of my posts. That I feel I have a right to decide without any unwanted comments.
10) Do you fear of some political blogs and avoid them?
I have never really enjoyed or followed politics. Not my cup of tea at all.
11) Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
I have no idea such a thing happened! When what where????
12) Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
I have thought of that alright :) I want it to be converted into a hard-copy book. For my children and grandchildren. I would love to know how my parents and grandparents thought as they grew, throughout their life. I can't really get that now, but I am sure mine would love to know me too. It would be a gift for them.
13) What do you like to hear? What's the song you like to put its link in your blog?
Welcome to wherever you are, this is your life, you've made it this far Welcome, you gotta believe, that right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be...
I like inspirational songs. They really motivate me. Apart from that, anything with any lyrics that can make me dance. Im a dance freak!! Just waiting for my ankle to heal :(
14) Five bloggers to be the next "victims"?
One is Mesirine for sure! Rest, hmm lets see...
Here's the second one...
Here's the second one...
3 Smells I love:
1. Smell of wet earth
2. My mom's chicken curry
3 Smells I hate:
This one is easy :D
1. Smell of dirty toilets
2. Bad breath
3. Rotten food
3 Jobs that I have had in my life:
1. Research Assistant in a lab
2. Chairperson of a Graduate Congress
3. Co-convenor of a Dance Society
3 Movies that I could watch over and over:
1. All the Harry Potter Movies
2. Fashion (by Madhur Bhandarkar)
There are many more :)
3 Fond memories:
1. My 24th birthday surprise
2. The moment I knew I was admitted into a university I really wanted to get in to
3. When I surprised my three best friends by barging into their house after 10 months of being abroad. No one knew I was in town, and I barged into their houses, one by one. I can never forget their reactions. Something similar was when I surprised my parents by landing there on their 25th wedding anniversary. The looks on their faces is something that never fails to bring a smile on my face.
3 Jobs I would love to have:
1. A dance instructor in a professional troupe of my own.
2. A life-sciences teacher for beginners
3. A career counsellor in a university
3 Things I like to do:
2. Spend time with my loved ones
3 Of my favorite foods:
1. JUNK FOOD!!!
2. Paneer dishes
3. Lady's finger preparations
3 Places I would like to be right now:
1. Next to my grandparents
2. In my ex-college with my friends
3. A dance school
3 Things that make me cry:
1. A fight with a loved one
2. Frustration and anger that I cannot express
3. When I miss something/someone I love dearly
This felt good :) Its like a recap of who you are...thanks MG for tagging me on this. Now its my turn to pay it forward...
Friday, May 1, 2009
One of my real close friends had come back from a conference abroad with much happiness at the success of the presentation. We were all happy and about to go out for a dinner treat by this friend, followed by the movie '17 again'. We were about 8 of us, split up to reach the dining place. As four of us got out of the cab, I suddenly asked this friend where my phone was. While asking itself I realized that it was left in the cab. Panic stricken, I took my friend's phone, opened the call log, and at the same time ran towards the cab which had already left in a particular direction. As I was just about to press the green button to call my phone, I felt a series of sensations all together in a fraction of a second - shock, pain, embarrassment and realization of what happened. Missing a step down, I had landed with full force on my completely twisted right ankle....OUCH! The next few minutes were eventful. I stumbled and sat down in the middle of a car park. I don't think anyone realized the fact that it was really painful as one of them was still with the phone. I could feel that I was losing myself. That was when another friend came n sat down next to me and went like, "do you want to lie down?". I felt this excruciating pain going up my body to my head and I just announced, "I think I am going to faint", and lay down on the road. The next thing that I know is there are people screaming around me..."Someone give her water", "move aside, move aside". Someone had held up my head, my head was wet with water, my glasses had been removed, my slippers were off and I heard a man ask my name. And I heard my friend answering. It was the ambulance guy. He was very gently saying, "I will just slowly lift you here", feeling my ankle, asking me where it is paining and all that. While answering him I realized I was crying :| Don't know if it was pain or shock! Then I was lifted onto a stretcher and put in the ambulance (for the first time). It felt really strange. I felt like I am some wounded soldier being rushed to the hospital for surgery :| :| :| Really felt like I am amidst strangers until I heard my friend. We reached the hospital, and I was taken on a bed into some ward which seemed like it was kilometres away. My friend had gone off to register. Then the ambulance guys just halted my bed amidst many others and left. I was lying there half blind, among some unknown people, in an unknown hospital with ill patients vomiting around me. It was intimidating. And yeah, I had lost my phone so I couldn't really call anyone. Then some nurse just pushed my bed forward and without saying a word started checkin my blood pressure. I just wanted to know where I was !!! Finally, after what felt like hours, my friend came and held my hand and said, 'Everything will be alright'. That felt like some warm stream of life flowing into my cold hands and feet. I heaved a sigh of relief...
I had passed out on the road for nearly 5 minutes I was told. Well the proceedings after that were normal - tests, screens, doctors, nurses, pain-killers, wheelchairs and the usual procedures. In between my glasses and slippers were delivered to me. All the other friends had reached the hospital, and were waving to me from a glass door some distance away. My friend who was with me went like, "see your fans are waving". It was funny. We got all the things done, paid the money (thanks to insurance it was menial), got the orthopedic doctor's appointment for a few days later and then went out of the hospital. I couldn't even stand. I had to be lifted into the lift (weird phrase) and then we went to my friend's place, ordered food and had dinner there. That was one eventful friday...
Bone is fine, but I tore 2 ligaments and now have to wear this huge iron-man looking boot which is damn tight and is supposed to prevent any weight on the ankle. Its super irritating to keep limping, but at least its better than the first 5 days when I needed crutches and a chair with wheels to go to the bathroom in the same room! Man that was horrible...
Well...this is life. My ankle is still taking time to heal. Its painful to stand even now, and I havent started my physiotherapy sessions due to lack of early appointments. Today is Friday. After 2 weeks, yesterday we finally did watch 17 again, and even the treat was done a week back. Im trying to work as much as I can, but I really can't do much, Im like exerting myself too much even now. Just few more days for me to leave, had so much to do, and now, if I feel like doing something I am incapable of, I just can't stop cursing,